Trigger warning…. first world problem related bitching ahead!!!
I wanted to write a quick post because I keep procrastinating on this because I always want these blog posts to be PERFECT and well crafted literary pieces. I’ve yet to reach my own standards of how I want to express myself, but I need to keep practicing. I want to make youtube videos, write blog posts, take pictures, do calligraphy, write in my bullet journal, watercolor paint…. and my participation in these activities is totally stunted by my perfectionism and anxiety.
So I’ve been making socks. So. Many. Socks. My knitting has gotten a bit out of control to the point of a tendinitis flair up. I am currently wearing a champagne cozy as a cooling arm brace. Graham is working a lot so I’ve been knitting and netflixin’. He’s got a big deadline up ahead and we’ve both been sort of distracted and off. So I knit. and knit… and … KNIT.
2018 so far has been a year of not giving up. The tendinitis is the cherry on the basically mediocre cake that has been 2018 so far. Not “great” but also not terrible. I’ve some lady issues which I won’t get into, some medical shit to deal with, and all I can think about is how much my damn arms are killing me. Taxes, work, anxiety, it’s all a bunch of little things that are adding up to a huge feeling of “bleh.” I haven’t faced many gigantic challenges so far this year but enough small and medium ones to really push my coping skills. Change and difficulties often come with some unintended silver linings, however. I’ve come to get some really amazing support both locally here in Stockholm and back home in Canada. Despite being a really inconsistent friend and family member I still am amazed at how many awesome people I manage to keep in my life.
I’ve become SLIGHTLY more “adulty”, and my priorities in life are coming more into focus. I’m also feeling more lost than I ever have in my life, because even though I know what my priorities are I’ll be DAMNED if I know how to reach them. I’m much better at managing my time and also much worse at it. I’ve taken a lot of steps forward, and a few steps back. There’s both a lot of chaos right now and a lot of waiting. It’s a tad frustrating.
Next week I’m going to San Francisco and I’m genuinely looking forward to it. I hope that this time in this wonderful city will refresh me and that I’ll take photos, laugh a lot, eat good food, and take time to reflect on how I want the rest of 2018 to go. I’m excited for my instagram feed to look a bit more interesting than it has been lately, and I really want to take that week to clear my head.
but for now, I need to take a break from the knitting, take some advil, and ice my wrists.
Until next time…